We often hear about how important it is to maintain a healthy work-life balance, but the reality is often far from easy.
I am certainly not an expert therapist or profess to be the best person manager in the world but life experiences and the range of people that I have met along the way – allow me to have a certain understanding of how some things work. This is more from experience than reading from a book.
So here is my take on how to maintain a healthier work-life balance.
I know that life can be stressful. I also know and understand that as a human – stress is an emotion or state that naturally occurs in all of us and has a reason to be there. There is good stress and bad stress, and the key is knowing when each apply to you.
Without going into too much depth and detail, during my military career I, like all of my colleagues had periods of stress. This was induced either by the strange situation we found ourselves in, the demanding nature of our work and in some extreme circumstances the risk of death to ourselves or others. That can be very stressful. And even outside of the military the same stressful situations arose. New jobs and careers, training and taking exams, working in different cultures and industry sectors – all adds to the stress we undergo.
And even outside of work-related stress, there was always the stress of family life – the normal stuff that we all have to contend with – money, kids, family the general day-to-day problems that life throws at you.
‘Good’ stress (apparently there is a more technical term for it) kicks in to make you react and respond. It sharpens your focus, motivates you and pushes you outside of your comfort zone to deal with strange or unusual situations. This is exactly what it is meant to do and when managed properly is good for you.
‘Bad’ stress (yes there is another technical term for this also) occurs for several reasons but generally happens when we are in stressful situations for too long or you experience extremely stressful events and starts to have physical and mental impacts. This can lead to health problems and other issues.
Work causes stress. You may read that and completely disagree (and that is fine) but those that disagree possibly don’t understand the difference between good and bad stress. I am not necessarily talking about the stress that causes you to have some form of breakdown, keeps you awake at night or makes you constantly angry and unhappy. I am talking about the stress you get when you see your inbox on a Monday morning, or the boss gives you a tight deadline, which you know you will have to work hard to achieve (but can achieve it) or you are giving a presentation for the first time. You feel nervous, anxious, underconfident or sad – but only for a short period of time. This happens a lot in the general day-to-day working week.
Couple this with the fact that you are still thinking about your partner, your kids, your mortgage, when is January’s pay going to hit and other stress inducers that are more home related and hey presto! Lots of normal stress. This might mean that if you never turn down the stress levels from work to home – bad stress happens.
I attended a cybersecurity conference in November last year (2025) where one of the guest speakers delivered an excellent presentation on the impact of stress and burnout within the world of cyber. He had some interest facts and figures and although I was already aware of some of it – it opened my eyes to the fact that some of the coping techniques I either use or suggest my students use – had more of a purpose than I had been aware of.
Stress and burnout within the various roles in cybersecurity is a huge problem. Here are some alarming numbers:
- 55% of cybersecurity professionals struggle to sleep (CIISEC)
- 35% of Chief Information Security Officers feel stressed and overworked and 23% are looking for other jobs (Splunk)
- Burnout is most prevalent in younger/junior cyber professionals (Cybermindz)
If you work in cyber you can probably relate to this.
One thing that I do with my apprenticeship students as part of the course introduction is to get them to tell me WHO they are and describe one thing that they do outside of work that makes them feel good or proud. I have written a separate blog on this (From Yoyo Champions to Polar Bear Wardens).
Another closely related article is ‘To Geek or not to Geek?’
It is the WHO that we need to concentrate on – and play along at home with this. Write down or think about who you are.
If I was to ask you WHO you are? What would be your immediate response?
Did you tell me your name and then immediately go into the subject of what you do for a living or who you work for? It’s a very natural response – but in my mind, that is more of a WHAT than a WHO question?
Work doesn’t define us. It is an important part of what we do and eventually who we are – I get that but if your response was more about who you are, where you live, your friends and family, your hobbies and interests – then you are showing signs that you can compartmentalise home from work (who from what).
If you first reaction is to tell me all about what you do at work – then it’s possibly time to redress the balance.
Don’t get me wrong, work plays on my mind from time to time and that is natural (as that is a stress reaction). But if it plays on your mind all the time and stops you from sleeping or constantly talking about it – that is the time to seek some kind of help. Your boss is the first port of call and talking about it in the first place – helps a lot. If you boss is a good manager, they will also be thankful to be aware as they can help you redress the balance or put you in touch with someone who can help. Like any health problem, early intervention is always best.
Family and friends are good sounding blocks and sometimes it’s good to get something off your chest but unless they know what you do at work or have some kind of experience in what you do – they may not be able to directly assist in relieving the burden. And sometimes they can give you advice that just adds to your stress level.
One key piece of advice which is repeated by a lot of people who are far more clever than me – is do something completely different with your downtime. Exercise is great as an all-round mind cleansing activity and comes in many forms. Hobbies, interests, group activities (preferably outside of work) and charity work are all solid examples that will take your mind off work and help shape WHO you are as a person.
When I venture into the training centre where I work – it makes my heart leap with joy when I go into the reception area. There used to be an Xbox in the corner, and you could guarantee a small huddle of students crowded round it focussed on the screen and shouting at the FIFA players as they digitally ran around the digital pitch. They would then end their tea break and go into a classroom that had another set of screens and watch an instructor with a screen doing digital things which they enjoy learning about (hopefully!).
However now, there is no Xbox and the tables are set up with a load of wooden games like chess and Connect 4 and I can guarantee that the tables are full of students focussing on strategies, socialising and the sheer fun of playing a game without a screen.
You could argue that gaming is a good form of stress-busting and I would totally agree if that’s your thing that makes you relax, unwind and forget the stresses of work. Lets face it what could be more relaxing than shooting up the town in Call of Duty or killing your mates (virtually) in Death and Gore VII. It was Space Invaders in my day.
My son (who I won’t name as I don’t want him to become famous) is in that bracket. He does love his Xbox and screen time – but he also loves board games, Warhammer and has a social life outside of his work (which is a stressful job). And yes of course – I have totally ripped him apart for the fact that he still paints and plays with plastic goblins (which he has been doing since the age of 10) but after meeting some of his friends who are doctors, scientists and ‘normal’ humans who all love to paint and play with plastic goblins – I totally get it.
It won’t stop me from taking the piss – but I totally get it – and he shrugs off my sarcasm as he has had to live with it for nearly 30 years and he totally understands the fact that he is right and I am wrong! (Not on everything I hasten to add!)
A good starting point is to have a think about WHO you are and draw a line between – who you are and what you are. If you can fill more of the ‘what you are’ with things work-related and have little to add to the ‘who you are’ column – redress the balance.
Paint a goblin (a plastic one or at least ask for their consent first), read a book, join a club, go for a walk, sing and dance or become a hobbyist. Try some new stuff and see what sticks. You never know it might bring out a hidden talent you have for something that you will go on to love – and this will shape the who in you.
The biggest advantage will be the impact it may have on your mental and physical health and your stress coping strategies.
I agree that it is just one step and one way of coping and at the end of the day, you may need to reach out for professional help and care but every little step helps.
Keep an eye on my CyberPhil YouTube channel as I aim to get something up on that site in the near future as it is a subject which is close to my heart and an important message that we can all relate to.
Paint long and prosper!
